long-distance ragù

The only carbonara technique you need to know: authentic, traditional, and idiot-proofed. Because if you're gonna be bad, then be bad the best. 

She is vibrance. She is acid. She is a white linen sundress with tomato lipstick. She can breathe fire, but she is a Chill Girl, you know? She is not asking for much, but that doesn’t mean she is not A Lot. 

Show me anyone that wouldn’t benefit from a little lightening up after this year and I’ll venmo you $20.

This is sort of like a cheater’s bolognese—reminiscent of non-Italian mom sauce where ground beef is simmered with tomato sauce from a jar, except this one’s totally homemade.

Made with all mushrooms and no meat, there’s no way to justify this as bolognese. But that doesn’t stop it from trying to be.

Vodka sauce was invented because adding vodka to tomatoes allegedly "stabilizes the reactivity" and "reaches flavors in tomatoes otherwise inaccessible." Does that mean regular sauce is temperamental and emotionally unavailable? Let's find out.

My mom told me she’d kill me if I gave you hers. I’m not gonna test her, so instead I’ll give you mine, inspired by 100 years of matriarchal death threats and an inability to find pork neckbones in this economy. 

What makes a bolognese "authentic” vs. one that will cause someone’s grandmother a reason to come back from the dead and kill you? I read all the internet comments, so you don't have to!