a game of thrones meat and cheese feast

It was a really cute plan. With only one week left to prepare, the time felt nigh for a bulk-viewed, non-serialized experience of Game of Thrones season 3 in order to remember all the nuanced shit subtly and inevitably referenced during the upcoming fourth season premiere. As we debated the merits of a meat and cheese extravaganza in place of a real dinner, my partner in this crime noted the following credentials should be met for our feast:

1) It must have more than two textures

2) It must be stable enough to continue to eat it for the course of three hours, in small batches, without it going bad or getting weird

3) It must be designed to be consumed on the sofa

Medieval, yet tasteful — sheets of gently draped pork; sharp slabs of savory cheese; soft, yielding hunks of fresh bread — this is the ideal meal to craft with patience at 3pm, then shower the meat smell off, have 2.5 glasses of wine, and not have to use a knife once you're drunk and ready to eat.

Game of Thrones marathon never happened, but 2 bottles of $3.99 wine and 8 hours of Seinfeld did, and this complimented both with grace.

CHEESES

PEPPERCORN TOSCANO
Texture: halfway between cheddar and parmesan; creamy but very firm
Taste: like a very savory and peppery romano, without the strong smell

CARAMELIZED ONION SHARP CHEDDAR
Texture: smooth, buttery, firm
Taste: like everything good about a cheeseburger

PORT SALUT
Texture: springy, creamy, spreadable
Taste: mild, fresh, and salty

MEATS

APPLEGATE FARMS NATURAL PROSCIUTTO
Texture: dry, chewy, firm
Taste: salty, meaty 

COLUMBUS SALAME CALABRESE
Texture: medium-firm, slightly oily
Taste: mildly spicy, pork-y

CITTERIO PROSCIUTTO DE PARMA
Texture: soft, airy, light
Taste: spectacular

BREAD

TRADER JOE'S SOUR BATARD
Texture: springy crust, soft innards, some holes
Taste: like sourdough