secret recipe onion soup burgers

Every year when summer comes I swear it will be the year that I get off my ass on a regular basis, initiate actual plans, host events for no reason, cook, have themed occasions, and become a living Pinterest caricature of my terrible personality inclinations. Every weekend I sleep until 2pm. I do that with the security of knowing that vision is never going to happen and that none of this is for real. 

before we ruined the aesthetic by actually using any of the dishware

before we ruined the aesthetic by actually using any of the dishware

I was wrong. Apparently it's this year after all.

This day of remembrance was in memory of beef, lovingly sacrificed somewhere for these patties to have life. Afterwards we commemorated America through the NBA Finals Drinking Game. A table was prepared. Net, a successful manifestation of the holiday. 

secret recipe onion soup burgers | slothful slattern


Effortful time: 7 minutes 
Total time: 15 minutes 
Serves: 4


2 lbs ground beef, at MOST 85% lean
1 packet onion dip or onion soup mix
Sliced cheese, whatever your preference
1 onion, sliced and sprayed in oil

+ whatever condiments, I like garlic mustard aioli and that's it.


  1. Heat the grill to 400°. Spray on oil.
  2. VERY minimally, very gently, toss the beef in a bowl with the powdered mix. Touch it the least amount you can while you blend in the seasoning. Salt, heat, everything will degrade your end burger quality. I do 1" thick patties. Press a thumbprint in each to prevent hockey-pucking.
  3. Grill on one side for 4 minutes. Flip it and cook another 5. Simultaneously throw on the onions.
  4. In the final minute, add your sliced cheese and watch it melt.
  5. Prep your pretzel buns. Go to town.