The problem sometimes with generating A Lot Of Content (not that I’m doing that lately) is that you have to continue to try new things in order to publish more stuff, only there are only so many new things to try, so eventually you revisit things you’ve already done in an attempt to create some new riff worthy of publication. But to keep doing this will, on a long enough timeline, inevitably render some of the previous things you’ve declared as “the ultimate” somewhat… obsolete. But then it feels weird having multiple competing recipe techniques on the same site as though they are all equally special, like keeping gifts from an ex around the house long past the relationship’s shelf-life when you’re ready to move in with somebody else, which means that only one of a given thing on a timeline can be a) current and b) superior. And as of today, that’s this one.

This one is called the Unholy Grail because manages to ride the holy trinity line of saucy, stretchy, and creamy all at the same time, without falling victim to the flour-y pasty-ness of thicker stovetop or baked macs (there is no flour in this recipe) or to the molten, broken cheese strings caused by using milk, which doesn’t have enough fat to keep this from happening. It also has the crunchy topping of baked mac, which I love, without the gloopy congeal of oven-cooked cheese sauce, which I don’t, thanks to a crispy pre-toasted panko made in the same pan you then use for the sauce and, ultimately, the finished mac. I’ve used this trick before, but this technique is even more straightforward, with no extra pan required.

Using a larger pasta shape changes the ratio of sauce to pasta in a good way: these are my jumbo elbows from Hayden Flour Mills, my dream mac noodle that I bought six boxes of a few weeks ago “just in case” and now store in the dedicated pasta drawer of my pantry, because that is how my life worked out. However, cavatappi, fusilli, shells, or any of those short larger shapes with a good degree of surface texture are going to do the same trick. If you prefer the little elbows, that’s okay too! I don’t feel like they have enough tooth texture—but like most things I complain about, that is more of a personal problem and not a reason not to use them if that’s what you have and like.

Now for the non-negotiable: there is no light-handing either the cream or the cheese in this recipe, and it also includes a small amount of butter, which I’ve left out in the past. These requirements make it so that this mac is definitely a Special Treat Mac rather than a Chill Everyday Mac for me, one I feel makes more sense eaten after dark with a glass of wine than hung over on the sofa—a need state I have effectively eliminated these days, which is a story for a different time. That said, there is nothing more disappointing than calorically expensive food that doesn’t deliver enough value to be worth the damage done (I feel this often about pasta dishes at chain restaurants), so while this may be only a once-a-month mac, this is a mac that is 100% worth it no matter what state of being prompted you to make or eat it.

I use a blend of Monterey Jack and sharp cheddar for this recipe because that, to me, represents the combination of sharpness and meltiness. You’re welcome to use whatever kind of cheese you have or like, but you will get better results if you use two cheeses, one for melt-y texture and the other for flavor. I would avoid Swiss (greasy when melted), mozzarella (melts great but noticeably bland here), parm (doesn’t blend well with this technique), pecorino (same problem), and all low-fat or part-skim cheeses, which will not turn into a sauce at all but a bunch of stringy sludge. Avoid at all costs.

That said: unlike many high-end mac recipes, you do not have to grate your own cheese for this recipe. Yes, I realize all bagged cheeses have cellulose powder on them “to prevent clumping” and that this makes them not ideal for melting applications. But you know what? I don’t notice it and you probably won’t either. Just make sure the bagged cheese you buy is a high-quality brand (I like Cabot a lot), and that it’s fresh, preferably unopened (because opened bagged cheese can get kind of hard and shardlike after a few days), and you should be just fine. If you want to grate your own: awesome. It will maybe be better than mine! But I understand that most people who are in the mood to eat an Unholy mac and cheese are usually in that Unholy mood for the same reason they would also not be in the mood to suffer through hand-shredding 2 cups of cheese on a box grater, and so for that reason, yes: this recipe celebrates the joyful heretic use of bagged, pre-shredded cheese.

Like all the others macs, this one is easy to add to: a can of green chiles, some broccoli, a handful of chopped chives, whatever. I feel like green chiles give a nice vinegar-y jolt to mac, so they’ve made an appearance here.

But now for the hard question: what becomes of all those other aforementioned ex-macs that no longer have the primary place in my heart? I won’t be deleting them, because I can see from my site dashboard that they are popular, and I imagine this means that plenty of people out there like them and might be sad if they went away. So instead, I will outline the differences so you can make your own ~* informed decisions *~ about which mac relationship is the best fit for you!

vs. THE sodium citrate MAC AKA MODERNIST MAC

The sodium citrate mac (one of the most popular recipes here!) is still very good. However, it is admittedly a mac and queso, not “mac and cheese.” This is because Unholy mac and cheese, by design, doesn’t fully emulsify, instead leaving a few layers of cheesy textures that vary throughout the dish depending on the bite. Sodium citrate will not preserve any nice stretchy pockets of pulled Monterey Jack, because this level of nuance is just… not how it operates. It is an all-or-nothing chemical transformation with a single superpower, which is to turn any cheese into Velveeta. Some people who prefer that smooth, silky shells-n-cheese texture may still prefer that one to this one, as it is thinner and oddly, a little lighter—and that’s why it’s worth keeping around. Also, it’s easy, and you can make it with water if you find yourself in an emergency. Those reasons alone are why it remains a valid entry in my extensive mac canon.

vs. THE “basic mac” with evaporated milk

According to my site stats, a lot of people really like this one. But as I look back, I realize I came into this one hot, and the relationship burned out fast. It has two problems: one is textural fragility, and the other is versatility. The textural thing just depends on whether you like the creamier, sludgier kind of macs. If you do, this one delivers, but it can be a little tough to get the consistency right because you are relying on a highly subjective ingredient—pasta water—for the majority of the magic. The reason for the variability is that different pastas release different amounts of starches no matter what you do depending on brand, surface texture, shape, pan size/water ratio, etc. So, no matter what I do, or how much I test, your mileage with evaporated milk mac is always going to vary a little bit, which is frustrating for someone (me) who wants foolproof replicability. The versatility issue is more of a problem if you, like me, tend to make macs in smaller quantities. Evaporated milk is not exactly an inspiring leftover ingredient to deal with, so that recipe is written for 16 oz. of pasta, and is not easy to adjust or scale down—only up. Evaporated mac is great for making a huge batch with relatively little effort, i.e. on Thanksgiving, or for people who strongly prefer the texture of a baked mac but don’t want to turn on the oven.

vs instant pot stretchy mac

IP and Unholy Mac are siblings, with similar preparations. Instant Pot stretchy mac is a very equitable and foolproof proportions game—measure it correctly and it will turn out—but it also requires a piece of equipment not everybody has, and it takes an annoyingly long time due to the pressurization/depressurization cycle required. Most people who want mac want it now. This mac will produce very similar results with a conventional pot about as fast as you can boil the water. That’s pretty much the only difference here.

VS. minimalist broccoli shells n cheese

Unholy Mac is actually pulled from this recipe, but with the proportions adjusted to have more sauce and more stretch. I may update the broccoli recipe later because I don’t think it goes quite hard enough to really scratch the itch and is held back by its own delusions of health grandeur: just because it has a vegetable in it does not make it a salad. It’s MAC, baby! Never choose a half measure when you should go all the way.

recipe: unholy grail mac and cheese

Behold. Believe. This is the formula for my ultimate stovetop mac and cheese that upholds the Unholy Trinity: creamy, stretchy, and saucy, all at the same time, with the crunchy panko topping of a baked mac and cheese without any time in the oven.

you need

10 oz. short pasta, your choice, but something with good cheesy nooks like elbows, cavatappi, or fusili will be best
2 tbsp. butter, divided
1/3 cup panko breadcrumbs
1/2 cup heavy cream
Pinch of paprika
2 cups shredded cheese, one sharp (like cheddar) and one mild and melty (like Monterey jack), plus a small sprinkling more at the end
Salt and pepper, to taste
1 can green chiles, optional

make it

Cook pasta. Salt the water and set it to boil. You don’t need to do anything else until you put the pasta in, at which point go to step 2. Cook according to the package directions.
Toast the panko. I like to do this while the pasta cooks so that the pan will be warm by the time you’re ready to make the sauce. To do it, melt 1 tbsp. of butter in a large skillet (I use a 3.5qt, 12” enamel cast iron braiser) and heat until foamy. Add the panko and a pinch of salt and toast, moving the crumbs around with a spoon, until golden brown. As soon as they’re golden, remove then to a cup, plate, foil—anything to get them off the heat as quickly as possible. Set these aside.
Make the sauce. Wipe out the pot and return the heat to low. Melt the other 1 tbsp. of butter, then add cream and a pinch of paprika. Simmer this until bubbling, which is when the cream will start to thicken. Stir in the cheeses until fully melted, keeping the heat low. Adjust for salt; cheeses vary, so you will want to do this after your cheese is incorporated to make sure you aren’t over or under.
Combine the pasta and finish. At this point your pasta should be finished; test it first to be sure. Use a slotted spoon to pull it from the boiling water and right into this pot, no need to drain. This is important as it uses some of the clinging pasta water to further emulsify the sauce, without making it too runny. Stir this until all the pasta is coated. You should have a good amount of sauce, which will continue to absorb for a few minutes as you serve. Turn the heat off. Stir in the final handful of cheese (this is where you get your stretch!) until melted, and top with the crunchy panko,